Since posting my article on date rape I have received so many emails with questions and comments that I decided to write a follow up.
In the U.S. a woman is raped every sixty (60) seconds. Yet, it's still the most under reported, under investigated crime we know. The reasons are as different as the women to which it happens Women don't report it out of shame, embarrassment, and fear. Authorities don't pursue it because unless it's a particularly violent attack they consider it a “he said/she said” incident. It's further complicated by those that do file false complaints.
Not Your Fault
Let's start with what we can control. Ourselves. Our bodies are our worlds. We have every right to do what we want with it, or restrict from it what we wish. We have the right to deny access to whomever we chose, and just because we've granted access to another, or even this same person, before doesn't mean we're obligated to do it again. Boyfriends and husbands aren't even guaranteed access, it is your body not theirs.
I can't emphasize this enough, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO TO ANYBODY.
You have the right to file a complaint anytime it happens. If a doctor or police officer refuses, take their name and make a note of their resistance. Admittedly, right now we see reports of unprocessed rape kits in the news all of the time in cities like Los Angeles, Pheonix, and Detroit. But this is being addressed by women's rights groups, you just need to worry about you. Have your evidence collected so that when the system is reformed you can get justice.
This season on Private Practice they are addressing the issues surrounding rape because of a main character being assaulted by a stranger in her work place. They are addressing many of the fears that women experience after an incident like this. It is of the utmost importance that women don't feel like it is in any way their fault, or it will diminish them to admit that they were raped. Admit it, claim it, take control of it.
There Is Help
There are support groups, advocate groups, and shelters to help a woman deal with what has happened to her. They can help you with counseling, with navigating the legal system, help with medical needs, and to simply be there for emotional support.
You can contact one of the groups below for assistance or email me and I'll help you find your local assistance program. But PLEASE don't try to pretend it didn't happen. Help is out there.
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