Sex ~ The Pre-Talk

The dreaded “sex talk”. We don't want to have it with our kids, and they don't want to have it with us. An informed child makes informed decisions though, we know this. But what are people thinking when they say you should talk to your kids when they're still just three, four, five, and six?

They're talking about the “pre-talk”, where a parent lays the ground work for being able to talk to their kids about sex. They certainly aren't talking about sitting kids down in a serious manner, it's nearly impossible to get a child's attention that way.

A friend with two small children asked me whether I thought she should use proper names with her two year old, or if she should use the cute names you hear so many parents use. I told her that I thought it best to use the proper names. My reasoning is based in protecting my children. If my child is sexually abused by anybody, I want them to have the proper terms to be able to tell authorities what happened to them, and I don't want there to be shame associated with those words so that the process of reporting it isn't as traumatic as the incident itself. Nobody wants their child to be molested, but being prepared isn't inviting it. Nobody wants their child to wreck their bike either, but we still put a helmet on them just in case.

Many parents are uncomfortable with using the proper terms themselves due to the terms being presented to them as secretive and “dirty” in their own youth. I'm even hesitant to use them here because I don't want reported for presenting “adult content”. The fact of the matter is that these are the proper clinical terms, and the more they are used properly the easier it gets. Children won't associate them as dirty words if mom and dad don't.

The easiest way to start the “pre-talk” is the first time your child asks, “What's this?” By simply answering with the proper name you've started the talk. Just like that, the talk has begun, and it will continue on for years. This, however, is the very first step. It will continue with other small conversations that usually come from simple questions from your child. When you give honest, open answers your child learns that this is something that is alright to discuss with you so when it comes time for the tough questions they'll still prefer coming to you instead of the uncertain answers they will get from their peers.

We'll talk about other steps in “the talk” in time.