Need help talking to my teen

Gayla,

My daughter just started high school and getting her to tell me anything about her day is like pulling teeth. "How was school" and "fine" are about as far as we get. If I ask questions she gets huffy and acts like I'm prying. How do I keep the lines of communicaton open with my teenager when she won't talk to me?

Karen

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Karen,

Teens can seem as secretive as government agents with parents. The key to loosening their lips is to find the right time, place, and questions.

This is where it's important to be involved in their lives through activities or even just as a social site friend. That way you can avoid vague questions that only get you equally vague responses.

Ask specific questions. "How did you do on the science test?" "What did they serve for lunch today?" "So, what was Britney wearing today?" "Which teacher do you like best/worst?"

Specific questions, especially about things that are of interest to them, require more specific responses. When they give you vague answers, ask more questions. Be ready to be quiet and understanding when they have a complaint as well. If they have a complaint about a teacher, ask why they feel that way about that teacher.

That would cover the 'how', the 'when' and 'where' are also important. Strike up a conversation while they're helping fix dinner or during dinner. Sometimes you can get a conversation in the car if they've don't need time to unwind first. It needs to feel like a casual conversation instead of an inquisition, be mindful of your approach. Stay on equal footing. If they're sitting, sit. If they're standing, stand.

It may be difficult at first, but once they realize your curiosity is benign interest instead of prying, and the habit gets formed, their answers will start to come easier.

Gayla