Before introducing you to Sophia, I'd like to take a selfish moment. Since I started this series of interviews I'd had the opportunity to chat a bit with several applicants. Some made the finals, some didn't, but all of the people that I've had a chance to talk to are extremely down to earth, so easy to talk with.
Not just to talk with, but to laugh with. These are people you fire up the coffee pot and sit down to talk and laugh with for hours on end until the children think you're both gabby and a bit nuts. You know what I mean, you see that look on your own kids faces when you and your best friend get together.
They really are average people, some not really knowing why they stood out in the crowd with the producers, but thrilled to get the chance at the position. And they've all contacted me, I didn't have to go begging for an interview with some famous, or quasi-famous, person. They're every-day people that felt I was doing something really nice that they'd like to be a part of. Like the rest of us, they're just looking to connect with people, and I'm honored to help them do that.
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| Sophia with her daughters this Christmas, 2010. |
NOW...
Meet Sophia Venable! Sophia, Sophie, or just Soph, she's a riot to talk to. She's very casual, very laid-back, and as funny as they come! When she isn't working, doing household chores, or spending time with her kids, she loves to dance! It's her outlet, her stress relief, her touch-stone to her childhood. Dancing is her personal passion.
Family and friends are very important to Soph. She wants to do what she can to help others, and while her friends and family are included in those she wants to help, they are also the ones that keep her grounded and give her the strength to offer help to others. She can help so many because she's been through some of the same problems they face, she's been in the position to learn from her experiences.
Here is Sophia's interview with me, your chance to get to know her through her own words. Enjoy! =D
What would you consider some of the biggest challenges you've faced in your life? How do you think they've helped you become who you are today?
This has to be a two part answer. One is a long time challenge since childhood and one is a life changing experience as an adult.
I was a dancer from the time I was 2 years old. I had an accident as a baby, so my mother, bless her heart, wanted to make sure I developed properly and put me in ballet as soon as I could walk. I also started ice skating at 3 yrs old.
However, my mother’s own body image and eating issues, combined with the pressures of the dance and skating worlds, caused me to be at war with my body from about 7 years old. I went on a two day starvation diet around that age because I had a dance performance coming up. I am honestly not sure how successful I was, but I was determined to eat ice for two days so that I wouldn’t be fat on stage.
By the time I was 12 years old, I was using diet pills and became severely bulimic for 5 more years. When I was 17, I approached a trusted teacher in school – he saved my life. I always get emotional when I talk about him. I am so grateful to him. His counsel helped me break the cycle and it was like getting out of jail.
Over the next 10 years or so, I went to therapy, furthered my recovery from bulimia, and learned to take care of myself. I had a professional career in theatre as a dancer and singer during that time as well, eventually going back to school for my BA in Psych. Grad school, marriage, and babies took its toll on my body and body image, but from about 34 years old until now, through pilates, dance, and yoga, I have made peace with my body. At 35, I treated myself to a breast reduction surgery, the greatest gift to myself EVER, and I became even more comfortable in my skin. I love my body with all of my cellulite, my baby skin, and my girly butt! I appreciate it, move it, express myself with it, and take good care of it.
The second challenge was my divorce. By the time I was 37, with both kids in school and myself in major body recovery, I was feeling very strong, excited about life, and deeply connected in myself, spiritually speaking. Unfortunately, my husband was not in a good place. He was unhappy, restless, and didn't see how he could solve that within the marriage. He’s a good man, and I don’t want to place blame… we have been very good about shielding our children from the grown-up drama around our divorce. It’s not for their little hearts to process. Marriage is complicated, and I was willing to compromise myself in far too many ways to make it work… he didn’t want that for me, and he wanted to move on, so I had to let it go.
Although I probably shouldn’t have been, I was blind-sided by my divorce. He was quickly in another relationship, and in the beginning I had my children 90% of the time.
Here was my reality at the time:
I had built my whole life around him, his career, and our children. I was CFO of our company, talked to his agents, was at every meeting, hiring, firing, handling company events, bookkeeping, creative consulting, listening to every note of music he ever wrote, and counseling him for hours on end about business decisions, equipment purchases, and employee relations. I did not pursue my own career – HE was my career.
On my 38th birthday, I was essentially dumped, fired, and was about to lose my children 50% of the time…. the last part came about 6 months later in mediation… that day I wanted to throw myself into traffic.
So after 12 years, everything I had defined myself by was pulled out from under me. I was furious with him, but far more furious with myself. My dear friend and spiritual therapist said to me, “Sophie, when you betray yourself, no one will ever turn around and thank you.” And from that moment on, I owned my divorce.
I don’t regret my marriage. I got married for the right reasons at the time. I really thought I had the right kind of love. I have the most incredible children out of the deal, and my ex is being an awesome father. I give him so much credit for that. We are more than amicable now and are better co-parents than ever.
Within a year of my divorce, my heart was found by a beautiful man who loves me on every level and supports me in my dreams. What more can I ask for?
My divorce has taught me volumes about love, relationships, betrayal, faith, and forgiveness. It has confirmed for me that my connection to God, or that which is Divine in me, is the single most important thing to remember every day. That connection will get me through anything. That connection reminds me that I am as precious as anything or anyone else, and that everyone around me is precious, with all of our faults and weaknesses.
I was a dancer from the time I was 2 years old. I had an accident as a baby, so my mother, bless her heart, wanted to make sure I developed properly and put me in ballet as soon as I could walk. I also started ice skating at 3 yrs old.
However, my mother’s own body image and eating issues, combined with the pressures of the dance and skating worlds, caused me to be at war with my body from about 7 years old. I went on a two day starvation diet around that age because I had a dance performance coming up. I am honestly not sure how successful I was, but I was determined to eat ice for two days so that I wouldn’t be fat on stage.
By the time I was 12 years old, I was using diet pills and became severely bulimic for 5 more years. When I was 17, I approached a trusted teacher in school – he saved my life. I always get emotional when I talk about him. I am so grateful to him. His counsel helped me break the cycle and it was like getting out of jail.
Over the next 10 years or so, I went to therapy, furthered my recovery from bulimia, and learned to take care of myself. I had a professional career in theatre as a dancer and singer during that time as well, eventually going back to school for my BA in Psych. Grad school, marriage, and babies took its toll on my body and body image, but from about 34 years old until now, through pilates, dance, and yoga, I have made peace with my body. At 35, I treated myself to a breast reduction surgery, the greatest gift to myself EVER, and I became even more comfortable in my skin. I love my body with all of my cellulite, my baby skin, and my girly butt! I appreciate it, move it, express myself with it, and take good care of it.
The second challenge was my divorce. By the time I was 37, with both kids in school and myself in major body recovery, I was feeling very strong, excited about life, and deeply connected in myself, spiritually speaking. Unfortunately, my husband was not in a good place. He was unhappy, restless, and didn't see how he could solve that within the marriage. He’s a good man, and I don’t want to place blame… we have been very good about shielding our children from the grown-up drama around our divorce. It’s not for their little hearts to process. Marriage is complicated, and I was willing to compromise myself in far too many ways to make it work… he didn’t want that for me, and he wanted to move on, so I had to let it go.
Although I probably shouldn’t have been, I was blind-sided by my divorce. He was quickly in another relationship, and in the beginning I had my children 90% of the time.
Here was my reality at the time:
I had built my whole life around him, his career, and our children. I was CFO of our company, talked to his agents, was at every meeting, hiring, firing, handling company events, bookkeeping, creative consulting, listening to every note of music he ever wrote, and counseling him for hours on end about business decisions, equipment purchases, and employee relations. I did not pursue my own career – HE was my career.
On my 38th birthday, I was essentially dumped, fired, and was about to lose my children 50% of the time…. the last part came about 6 months later in mediation… that day I wanted to throw myself into traffic.
So after 12 years, everything I had defined myself by was pulled out from under me. I was furious with him, but far more furious with myself. My dear friend and spiritual therapist said to me, “Sophie, when you betray yourself, no one will ever turn around and thank you.” And from that moment on, I owned my divorce.
I don’t regret my marriage. I got married for the right reasons at the time. I really thought I had the right kind of love. I have the most incredible children out of the deal, and my ex is being an awesome father. I give him so much credit for that. We are more than amicable now and are better co-parents than ever.
Within a year of my divorce, my heart was found by a beautiful man who loves me on every level and supports me in my dreams. What more can I ask for?
My divorce has taught me volumes about love, relationships, betrayal, faith, and forgiveness. It has confirmed for me that my connection to God, or that which is Divine in me, is the single most important thing to remember every day. That connection will get me through anything. That connection reminds me that I am as precious as anything or anyone else, and that everyone around me is precious, with all of our faults and weaknesses.
Tell me a little bit about your family.
I grew up in LA with an Armenian mother and an Anglo father, both from Wisconsin. My Armenian grandparents survived the genocide, so my mother was definitely a product of that tragedy. She went through an extremely tough childhood. My father had a more WASPy (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) upbringing, went into the Army Band, and was a chemist. My mother was an RN, Director of Nurses, later went for her PhD in Law, and is quite brilliant with money.
My parents split when I was 8 years old. There was a long time affair my mom was having with a man who eventually became my step-dad. They dated 18 years and were married 2 before he passed away. My dad never remarried. My mom has been married to her third husband for 20 years now.
I spent the better portion of my childhood at the skating rink and dance lessons, and I was also with my mom for much of the time she had dinners with her boyfriend. I knew his family too... it was complicated for my young mind, so when my parents divorced it made so much more sense to me. I never even wanted them to get back together because it seemed that they weren't in love, and my mom had moved on 6 years earlier.
I have two older brothers and an older sister, with 11 years between myself and the oldest. The divorce was so hard on all of them. My oldest siblings knew my parents when they were in love, and they had a normal childhood. My middle brother was just lost in the shuffle. I was sort of my mom's 'mascot' and was always away from home, dancing or skating I guess. In my lifetime, the family was not very cohesive, so it wasn't that different for me. I ended up living with my mom, my brothers stayed with my dad, and my 16 yr old sister had run away with her boyfriend about a year earlier. That was heart breaking. I will never forget the first night she was gone.
Today, my siblings and I are very close. We would throw ourselves in front of a bus for each other... any one of us. My sister has been an angel in my life, and as I got older, I had the honor of being hers too.
The normal childhood I spoke of was brief. My parents drank, which was ok for my dad, who could handle it, but my mom was frightening. She had a drinking problem until I was at least 17 yrs old, which made for an incredibly chaotic time growing up. That's all I will say about that for now.... anyone with an alcoholic parent can fill in the blanks - different details, same story.
The amazing thing about my family though is this: we still have every holiday together; including my father, my mother, and her husband. My mom made huge efforts to remain friends with my dad, and to both of their credit, they did. She helps him with whatever she can, whenever she can. She cares about him dearly - it's obvious.... she just wasn't in love with him anymore. So we, the kids, never had to choose between our parents at the holidays and, although there was pain and discomfort around the situation, it kept us feeling like a family. My brother just brought my 83 yr old dad to my mom and her husband's home for Christmas dinner last week. That's just the way it is... and I am grateful.
My parents split when I was 8 years old. There was a long time affair my mom was having with a man who eventually became my step-dad. They dated 18 years and were married 2 before he passed away. My dad never remarried. My mom has been married to her third husband for 20 years now.
I spent the better portion of my childhood at the skating rink and dance lessons, and I was also with my mom for much of the time she had dinners with her boyfriend. I knew his family too... it was complicated for my young mind, so when my parents divorced it made so much more sense to me. I never even wanted them to get back together because it seemed that they weren't in love, and my mom had moved on 6 years earlier.
I have two older brothers and an older sister, with 11 years between myself and the oldest. The divorce was so hard on all of them. My oldest siblings knew my parents when they were in love, and they had a normal childhood. My middle brother was just lost in the shuffle. I was sort of my mom's 'mascot' and was always away from home, dancing or skating I guess. In my lifetime, the family was not very cohesive, so it wasn't that different for me. I ended up living with my mom, my brothers stayed with my dad, and my 16 yr old sister had run away with her boyfriend about a year earlier. That was heart breaking. I will never forget the first night she was gone.
Today, my siblings and I are very close. We would throw ourselves in front of a bus for each other... any one of us. My sister has been an angel in my life, and as I got older, I had the honor of being hers too.
The normal childhood I spoke of was brief. My parents drank, which was ok for my dad, who could handle it, but my mom was frightening. She had a drinking problem until I was at least 17 yrs old, which made for an incredibly chaotic time growing up. That's all I will say about that for now.... anyone with an alcoholic parent can fill in the blanks - different details, same story.
The amazing thing about my family though is this: we still have every holiday together; including my father, my mother, and her husband. My mom made huge efforts to remain friends with my dad, and to both of their credit, they did. She helps him with whatever she can, whenever she can. She cares about him dearly - it's obvious.... she just wasn't in love with him anymore. So we, the kids, never had to choose between our parents at the holidays and, although there was pain and discomfort around the situation, it kept us feeling like a family. My brother just brought my 83 yr old dad to my mom and her husband's home for Christmas dinner last week. That's just the way it is... and I am grateful.
What is a basic day in your life like? What do you do to unwind, or for a hobby?
A basic day in my life depends on whether or not I have my kids.
With the kids, it's making lunches getting them to school, writing or seeing clients, shopping for food, yoga if possible, picking them up, homework, swim practice or music lessons, food and bed times....
During the week, without kids, looks much the same, just more bill paying and general putting out of fires.
With no kids, on the weekends, my boyfriend and I (the term ‘boyfriend’ sounds so casual; he truly is my partner and the love of my life), we have time for us, which is very special. We love to go to the desert, or visiting friends, and we both work out. We love non-serious poker, non-serious bowling, and non-serious living in general.
I go on at least one scuba trip a year, with my older sister... she is my heart.
I am also a competitive ballroom dancer. Last April I went to San Francisco for a competition and I won the Five Dance Latin Competition and placed 2nd in the Four Dance Smooth Competition. It's a serious hobby that I took up about 6 years ago. Dancing again was like coming back to life... truly reawakening a part of me that had been asleep for 12 years.
My teachers are incredible! Learning about partner dancing and also getting to perform again in such a safe and supportive environment has been a beautiful thing. Because my husband had gotten into dancing too, many thought I would quit when we split. There was no way I was going to heal without dancing.
At this point, I simply cannot afford to dance and compete as much as I would like, but I do prioritize it as something that is important for my soul. So I squeeze a necessary amount of it into the budget somehow! I take two lessons in a row one day a week, do one showcase (like a grown-up recital), and one major competition a year.
With the kids, it's making lunches getting them to school, writing or seeing clients, shopping for food, yoga if possible, picking them up, homework, swim practice or music lessons, food and bed times....
During the week, without kids, looks much the same, just more bill paying and general putting out of fires.
With no kids, on the weekends, my boyfriend and I (the term ‘boyfriend’ sounds so casual; he truly is my partner and the love of my life), we have time for us, which is very special. We love to go to the desert, or visiting friends, and we both work out. We love non-serious poker, non-serious bowling, and non-serious living in general.
I go on at least one scuba trip a year, with my older sister... she is my heart.
I am also a competitive ballroom dancer. Last April I went to San Francisco for a competition and I won the Five Dance Latin Competition and placed 2nd in the Four Dance Smooth Competition. It's a serious hobby that I took up about 6 years ago. Dancing again was like coming back to life... truly reawakening a part of me that had been asleep for 12 years.
My teachers are incredible! Learning about partner dancing and also getting to perform again in such a safe and supportive environment has been a beautiful thing. Because my husband had gotten into dancing too, many thought I would quit when we split. There was no way I was going to heal without dancing.
At this point, I simply cannot afford to dance and compete as much as I would like, but I do prioritize it as something that is important for my soul. So I squeeze a necessary amount of it into the budget somehow! I take two lessons in a row one day a week, do one showcase (like a grown-up recital), and one major competition a year.
The recession has impacted nearly everybody in America, how has it impacted you and your family?
The recession has affected my ex-husband's business dramatically, which of course affects both of our households... but I was very conservative in how I handled our money when we were married, and downsized fairly quickly after my divorce. I'm very grateful to have my own home (a townhouse) so I don't really consider any of it all that bad. To ‘move down’ from wealthy to whatever ‘class’ I am now, is not a blow to me or my ego. (Not exactly sure where I land in those categories - I don’t think about it much.) I grew up lower to middle class, so all of it feels like icing to me. I have had lots of money in my life and have had very little money in my life. Lots of money is fun, but it's not the key to happiness - that is for sure. "Enough to pay the bills" is a blessing that I know many don't feel right now, so I consider myself to be one of the most fortunate people around. I can't complain. I don't complain.
If I spoke to the people that know you best, what would I hear from most of them about you?
Oh, my friends are so sweet and supportive. They would tell you that I am generous and kind. They would tell you that they "would be dead" without my advice over the years... so dramatic - but so loving and appreciative in their sentiment. They tell me that I am smart but accessible, irreverent but compassionate, and very spiritual in a practical and tangible way. That's why they call.
Plus I'm fun at a party and I make a good margarita. :)
Plus I'm fun at a party and I make a good margarita. :)
What caused you to want to submit an application for the GMA advice guru position? What got you started giving advice?
My friend Nikki sent me the link and I thought, "well, that's a perfect gig for me! I'm going for it!" Truly, this is a dream job for me. I started an advice column... tried it on Facebook, which I don't think was the best plan, and I have been seriously thinking about what steps to take to do a radio show... then this came up.
I have been giving advice since I was a child. When I was 8 years old, I counseled my older siblings about my parents divorce. I'm not kidding. It sounds ridiculous, and I don't really take credit for having the amount of empathy and insight that I did at that age. I think it's a spiritual gift, and I see it in my older daughter.
I hope that doesn't sound over the top.
I have just always had a certain amount of insight into relationships and behavior. The more I studied, the more interested I became. The more I work with clients, the more interested and excited I become now. I just love getting people to look at things differently and come up with their own solutions. They feel empowered and happier, and I feel creative – that’s fun for me.
I have been giving advice since I was a child. When I was 8 years old, I counseled my older siblings about my parents divorce. I'm not kidding. It sounds ridiculous, and I don't really take credit for having the amount of empathy and insight that I did at that age. I think it's a spiritual gift, and I see it in my older daughter.
I hope that doesn't sound over the top.
I have just always had a certain amount of insight into relationships and behavior. The more I studied, the more interested I became. The more I work with clients, the more interested and excited I become now. I just love getting people to look at things differently and come up with their own solutions. They feel empowered and happier, and I feel creative – that’s fun for me.
Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers that you haven't had the opportunity to share yet?
some dance pictures! :)
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